February 12, 2015 I was overwhelmed. Jason had a late meeting and Luke and Delilah were crazy. I thought to myself I would never be able to hand a third kid and then I freaked out and had to take a pregnancy test just to make sure I wasn't pregnant. We were not trying and in fact were pretty sure we were done having kids. I just got this feeling. I went to take a test as soon as the kids were out of their bath I went in and took a test. It was positive. I was shocked. I was freaking out. I didn't know how Jason would react. But at the same time I was unsure, I've never have had a baby without having a miscarriage first. Being that it was almost Valentines Day and he would be out of town, I wrapped up the pregnancy tests. When I gave them to him he didn't believe it. I guess I didn't really either! As the weeks went on and I was still pregnant it became real. Then the headaches and nausea set in. Jason was out of town on the weekends and super busy with taxes during the week. Thank goodness my parents had just moved within 10 minutes of me because there were days I had to ask them to bring the kids dinner because I couldn't get up.
The pregnancy progressed well. We decided not to find out what it was. That was hard, but kind of fun too. I kept expecting complications in the pregnancy like I had with Delilah. I got very tired of work. I kept hoping I would get taken out early but things just kept going good! I finally finished up my last day at work and the next day I went into the doctor and my blood pressure was fine. The next day Jason and I volunteered in Luke's class before my non stress test. As soon as we were done we headed to the hospital for my test. My blood pressure was very high. 150's/90's. My doctor decided to admit me to the hospital. We were there for 5 hours until I could get it back down to an acceptable level. Monday I took Delilah out for a fun day. Tuesday I volunteered for picture day at Luke's school. It was 4 hours of being on my feet. I was exhausted by the end of it. I went home and had lunch then picked up the kids. My dad was coming over to watch them while my mom and I went to another non stress test. The kids were weird when I left. They never cry. Especially with my dad. Well Delilah was crying and freaking out. Luke was upset that I wasn't hugging him before I left. It freaked me out. I called Jason on the way and said I have a bad feeling. I felt like the kids could sense something was up and that I wasn't coming home.
September 22, 2014
I go in for my non stress test. My blood pressure is 180/100. They admit me to the hospital again. This time they say I will not be going home that night for sure. Jason had to come from work to the hospital while my mom went to go home and deal with my kids. I had the worst nurse for the first couple hours. She couldn't get an IV in. She jacked my arm up. She poked me 4 times before she got my favorite nurse from the Friday before, Valerie. Valerie was able to get a line in right away. They started giving me some meds to bring down my blood pressure. IV and oral. Once I got settled in I sent Jason home. I told him to go see the kids and get his stuff. While he was gone I got so sick. One minute I was fine and the next I was so dizzy and nauseous. Apparently all my meds at once had kicked in and bottomed my blood pressure out. Once they got it all figured out I felt better. They stopped the IV meds and were just doing oral and they cut my dose down. There I settled in for the night and tried to get some sleep (which of course I didn't sleep at all). The next day my blood pressure was down a bit. The doctor wanted to continue to watch me for a little bit before sending me home. It seemed like every time they were getting close to deciding if I could go home my blood pressure would spike. It is now Wednesday September 23rd and I really wanted to go home. The doctors hope was to send me home for a few days. We really wanted to get to 37 weeks. Wednesday night it just got high again despite my meds. Thursday morning was more of the same. My doctor came in and said we no longer were going home at all. That I was going to be there until Monday when is the earliest she wanted to do the delivery. She said it wouldn't hurt to have a perinatologist come do a consultation. At that point I sent Jason to go get himself some food and run errands. My mom was there with me when not 10 minutes later the nurse came in and said the perinatologist talked to my doctor and did not want to wait any longer they wanted to deliver immediately. Because I had just eaten breakfast they wanted to wait until 5pm to do the surgery. The perinatologist came in and said that she was really scared to wait at all and if I had one more high blood pressure (which was 186/112 that morning) she didn't care about the breakfast she wanted me to deliver immediately.
I never had another super high bp that day so we just spent the day pretty nervous about having an early baby later that day. We had some of the best nurses during our stay prior to the delivery (aside from the first one!). They warned us that the baby most likely would be in the NICU. We had to do an ultrasound before delivery just to make sure the baby was big enough. They gave an estimate of 6 lbs. 13 oz with a + or + 13 oz. The tech himself estimated it to be 6 lb 8 oz. Finally it was time to go in to the OR. Except this time they made me walk into the OR myself. Being that I've had 2 other c sections at the same hospital, this was weird. I had been wheeled in both times. This time I had to walk to the elevator and into the room myself where I stepped on a stool and got on the bed all on my own. It was so weird to me.
My surgical nurse Erika. She was the best. She was very calming to me. She had a little girl around the same age as Delilah and we talked about our girls. They seemed very similar. She asked what I thought this baby was and I said boy! They get me prepped for surgery and bring Jason back in and they got to work. I was so scared about what was about to happen. Not the surgery, just scared that my baby would not be well. They told Jason when they were about to pull the baby out. He took a video. I watch that video all the time. When they announce that its a boy I cry every single time. It was the greatest surprise! He was quiet at first. Nothing like Delilah who screamed bloody murder. While they were cleaning him up and finishing up my surgery they noticed that he would occasionally forget to breathe. That was enough for him to go to the NICU. I was devastated. Jason went with the baby and they took me to recovery. I was a mess. I just wanted my baby. The two nurses were so nice. I found out there that my nurse Erika was pregnant so we talked about that before she had to go to another patient. Jason came down to check on me. He said the baby was really cute. I was just so upset he couldn't be with me. Both of my other two births as soon as I was in recovery the babies got to be with me. After a couple hours they decided to roll my bed into the NICU so I could see and hold my baby. Just thinking about it makes me cry. I got to hold him and I didn't want to let him go. Leaving him was the hardest thing I've ever and to do.
I got to my room and immediately asked for a pump. I had a NICU baby I needed to get him some colostrum! While the nurse was off to get me a pump I got very sick. I was puking and just felt awful! But once she got there with the pump I was determined. I pumped my very first time and got 23mls! Thats almost an ounce my first time out. The nurses were freaking out. Normally its only a few mls that you will get the first time. Jason took the milk up to the NICU. He took pictures of my precious baby for me. I started pumping every 3 hours and I never got that much again LOL. Every time I pumped Jason would take it up and check on the baby for me.
5:30 am the next morning they came to see if I could get out of bed. I said can I please go see my baby? So my nurse got me a wheelchair and I went up to see him. I try to get him to latch on the breast and we ended up working with one of sweet lactation consultants that helped me with Delilah. He seemed to be latching and nursing well. I went up 5 more times that day to see my sweet boy. Just sitting here thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. It was the most painful thing I've ever done in my life. This recovery was awful. I'm pretty sure going up to the NICU 6 times in a 12 hour period was not making it easier. The kids couldn't go to the NICU, and they didn't even know we had the baby. My mom and dad had taken them to McTeacher night at McDonalds for our school at the same time we were having Cole. Luke had a couple tests the next day and we know our boy well and know that he needs to focus and not have any distractions, so we decided to not tell them. Jason picked them up from school early and my mom came with me to the NICU and we waited for the kids to show up and we showed them the baby from the window. They were so excited! We then went down to my room and visited with them for awhile and Jason showed them the video of the birth.
Later that night after the kids had gone back we went back to the NICU. The nurse wanted to check me but said we could go up for a bit. Well the nurse had to call me back down because I didn't want to leave him! The nurse in the NICU came by and said she was just waiting on the doctor to release Cole and that if I promised to give some formala if needed then he could come down with me. With pumping and tube feeding and nursing I don't think we really had to give him formula. Whats funny is I can tell you exactly how much formula Luke got (8mls) and how much Delilah got (1 ounce total) but Cole I have no idea! I don't know how much they gave him in the NICU and how much we gave him in our room. I'm pretty sure we didn't give him much if any in room because I was pumping a decent amount. Anyway, the nurse assured me he was ready to be with me in the room and they would bring him down shortly so I rushed back down to the room to get my little exam done and take my meds and get ready for my baby. Not long after they brought him in. We were so in love. We kept saying he was the cutest baby we've ever had (although I still stand by the fact that I think they look exactly alike). We just kept working on nursing and I really felt it was going good. Then the crying began. This kid cried all night long. At some point Jason just took him for a walk for a couple hours up and down the hall over and over again. He finally calmed down and was a pretty good baby after that.
They let us leave on Sunday even though he had gone from 6 lb 1 oz down to 5 lb 6 oz. We had frequent weight checks at the pediatrician's office and the lactation support group. It got to the point where he couldn't latch very well. We were doing SNS (tube feedings along the breast) and finger feedings. Our lactation consultant was concerned there was a tongue tie. Honestly to me that made sense. Luke wouldn't nurse and has speech problems but I didn't know about tongue ties back then so once I learned I always assumed he had one. Our pediatrician said no he did not have one. I was a bit shocked but went with it. That was a Friday. Monday Cole just seemed very uncomfortable and was not pooping. He wasn't latching and we were doing mostly finger feedings at that point. I had an appointment with another lactation consultant the next day but decided to call the doctor to see if we could come have him checked. They only time our doctor could see us was the same time I had an appointment with my doctor so I went with a nurse practitioner instead. When we weighed Cole he had lost a little bit of weight. Friday he had been 5 lb 8.6oz and Monday he was 5 lb 8.2 oz. She was concerned. I explained that I didn't think he was nursing correctly and I thought he might have a tongue tie because when we did a finger feeding his tongue would not come out of his mouth. She looked and agreed it looked like a tongue tie. I told her that our doctor (in her office) did not think it was. She said that they had another doctor in their office that specializes in them and he would come take a look. He walks in takes a look and says wow this a bad one, can you wait a few minutes and I will fit you in to get it cut right now? UM YES! Yes I can wait all day if you need me to. I just wanted to get it fixed. The procedure itself was quick and Cole barely cried. The part that was awful was the next 5 days where we had to put lots of pressure under the tongue twice a day. It was hard because it made him cry worse than the cutting itself!!! So that was Monday morning and we met with the new lactation consultant the next day and she tried to work with us a little. By Wednesday I was over it. We both cried at every feeding. I was so close to giving up. I didn't even want to pump. I just wanted to do formula and call it. I had so much support from so many friends that just kept encouraging me to keep going. Well Wednesday night he just latched. It didn't hurt and he was drinking. Now in the beginning when he lost weight I was very cocky. I said to the pediatrician and nurses don't worry he will gain 2 oz a day soon enough. My other two all lost weight in hospital but gained 2 oz a day not long after and kept gaining until they were little chunks. Not my Cole. He stayed small for awhile. But by 2 months he was gaining 2 oz a day and was putting some meat on his bones. Now at 4 months 3 weeks, he is 15 lbs. 10 oz which is right on with both the other two! Luke was 15 lb 11 oz at 5 months and Delilah was 15 lb 6 oz. He is seriously so chunky. I absolutely love it.
He has given me a run for my money. He is a puker. Like every day all day long. He is gassy too. He seems to get very fussy when I have dairy. But he is the sweetest baby. From day 1 he was just a sweet precious thing. Now at 5 months he laughs a lot, smiles all the time, and if one of his siblings is crying he gets the saddest face and cries right along with them. Our days and nights are crazy but I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm really just focusing on loving every minute of it because it is official that we will not be having anymore kids. Not that I can imagine having another with our crazy nights but I would love one more. Another girl to even it out right? Unfortunately they think it is just too dangerous for me to have another with how the pregnancies have progressively gotten worse for me. Lucky me I have my two sweet boys and one sassy girl to keep me busy and I don't have to think about how just 1 more baby would be good (because I know me 1 is never enough I will always have this baby feeling!).
